Tas’ Quotes
Chronicles
Volume 1: Dragons of Autumn Twilight
“‘Elven wanderer, turn from your coarse and leave the dwarf behind. We are the spirits of those poor souls Flint Fireforge left on the barroom floor. Did we die in combat?’
‘No! We died of shame, cursed by the ghost of the grape for not being able to out drink a hill dwarf.’
‘Damn the eyes of elves!’ The spectral voice turned merry. ‘And damn the beards of dwarves!’
‘Wouldn’t you know it?’ Flint groaned. ‘Tasslehoff Burrfoot'”(17)
((Tas meeting Flint and Tanis))
Volume 4: Dragons of Summer Flame
“‘Did you hear what that man called me, Usha? ‘Little Thief’!’ Tas was spluttering with indignation. ‘How dare he? And he took my knife. Only it wasn’t my knife, it was your knife, I noticed, Palin. And now that thief is missing his knife, too. I’ve got it right here. Funny, he must have dropped it…'”(432)
Legends
Tales
Preludes
Meetings
Volume 6: The Companions
“A storm was brewing! Tas had never been at sea during a storm. He felt certain it would be fascinating and enjoyable.” (8)
“Tas shouted into the wind and rain that lashed his face. ‘Quite a squall we’re having. I bet it’s going to give the ship a bit of trouble. I’ll stay by your side and help you out. I’ve been on many ships in such circumstances ((See previous quote)) …well, not too many, actually. Seven or nine not counting this one.'” (13)
“‘Tasslehoff is in charge,’ stated Flint. ‘He just lets you think you’re in charge, but wherever you decided to go, it’s him leading you there by the nose.'” (21)
“‘Kender are unclean. They roam the earth, living by stealth and dishonor. To touch one, it is said, is to invite scorn, or worse, disease. I don’t think it is necessary to search this one.’ ((Dogz, a minotaur))
‘Unclean! Why, you big horny cow! I’ll have you know that I bathe regularly. I washed my face just yesterday, to be exact-that is, assuming this is the day after yesterday, which I don’t know for sure because I have no idea where I am or how long it took me to get here. But if you want to bring up personal hygiene, I suggest you take your two moon-sized nostrils, bend over, and take a whiff of yourself!’ ((Tas))
‘It is true that kender are dishonorable…’ ((Sarkis, lead minotaur))
‘You ugly, wart-faced, pig-snouted, dun-colored createn! I’m as honorable as they come-well, maybe not as honorable as Sturm, or even Caramon, who is honorable in his own humble way-but twice, ten times, one hundred thousand times as honorable as the likes of you! And let me warn you I could give you any disease I wanted if I only cared enough to bother.'” (60-62)
“They trooped down to gawk at him, and in a couple of instances to throw fruit cores and dirt clods at him.
Tas threw the fruit cores and dirt clods right back…” (65)
“Flint paused to glare at the half elf. ‘That doorknob of a kender would take so long telling about the time his Uncle Trapspringer was in a similar predicament that he’d totally forget what he was supposed to be doing.'” (114)
“‘Oh I don’t know about that,’ disagreed Caramon with a broad grin. ‘If they let Tas improvise with his hoopak, he’d stand a fighting chance.'” (141)
“‘But you’re right, Fesz. Raistlin is a real threat. I think you and I better figure out how to trap him and choke him and stab him and then do something really evil to his dead body, like-I don’t know, you’ve got more experience in this sort of thing. What do you suggest?'” ((Evil Tas)) (173)
“‘But if I do ever get back to Solace, I think it would be a fine idea to have a slave pit just like this one in the middle of town. Teach ’em all a lesson. Of coarse, Solace is up in the treetops, and speaking technically, I’m not sure you can build a pit up in the trees, so that is a minor problem I’ll have to work out. But I sure do love these slave pits!'”(177)
((Evil Tas))
“One of the minotaur guards got too close and Tasslehoff raised his elbow, accidentally knocking him over the railing of the walkway and down some fifty feet to the bottom of the pit. The slaves scurried out of his way as he hurtled downward, landing with a sickening crunch.
‘Oops! Pardon me,’ said Tas, looking up at Fesz sheepishly. ‘I was just wondering what a minotaur would sound like, landing on his head after falling a long way down.'” (177)
((Evil Tas))
“‘…I would have said, ‘Kill him and be done with it.’ Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today-especially when it comes to killing, I always say. Of coarse, I wasn’t really evil all the time, so maybe I wouldn’t have said, ‘Kill him and be done with it’ exactly…'” (210)
((Evil Tas))
“‘…I would have said, ‘Kill him and be done with it.’ Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today-especially when it comes to killing, I always say. Of coarse, I wasn’t really evil all the time, so maybe I wouldn’t have said, ‘Kill him and be done with it’ exactly…'” ((Evil Tas)) (210)
“‘He ((Sturm)) thinks he’s a Solamnic Knight, but he’s not really-just another sad case of misguided ambition, if you ask me.'” ((Evil Tas)) (210)
“‘How’d you ((Kitiara)) get captured so easily? I thought Caramon was the only stupid Majere.'” ((Evil Tas)) (251)
“‘Whose side are you on, Tasslehoff?’ he ((Tanis)) asked sternly.
‘Why, Tanis,’ said Tas, genuinely hurt. ‘What a question to ask! I’m on your side, of coarse. Aren’t you on mine? It’s just me and Raistlin against all these minotaurs, and we could sure use some help.'” (299)
Dragons of a New Age
Volume 1: The Dawning of a New Age
“‘See this spoon?’ the smaller boasted. ‘It’s just like the one Tasslehoff had, the one he used to chase away the undead. It’s a magical spoon of undead turning.'”(96)
((Raph to Blister meeting in front of Tas’s tomb))
Bridges of Time Series
Volume: Spirit of the Wind
“Caramon had a vague recollection of Tas saying once that the strange hairstyle was a sign of noble blood among kender. Flint had had a thing or two to say about using ‘noble’ and ‘kender’ in the same sentence.” (45)
The Raistlin Chronicles
Volume I:The Soulforge
Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
“‘Yes, that’s Solamnia. They have awfully fine jails there….'”(137)
((Tas showing Sturm and others a map))
“‘I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,’ Tas promised. ‘But why two shakes? Why not three? And do lambs even have tails? I don’t see how-‘”(142)
((Tas, need I say more?))
“‘Could you fall off the face of Krynn?’ Tas asked eagerly. ‘How would you do it? My feet seem to be pretty firmly planted on the ground. I don’t think I could drop off. What if I stood on my head?”(174)
“Did you see me, Flint? Did you see me?’ Tasslehoff, his face bright red, skipped back to the table. ‘I stood on my head! And I didn’t fall off the face of Krynn. My head struck the floor just like my feet do. I guess you’d have to not have any part of you touching. Do you suppose if I jumped off the roof of the inn?…'”(175-6)
“‘Uncle Trapspringer was my mother’s aunt’s third cousin on her Father’s side by marriage,’ said Eider Thistledown.
‘Isn’t this amazing!’ cried Tasslehoff. ‘Uncle Trapspringer was my father’s cousin’s uncle’s wife’s second cousin once removed.’
‘Brother!’ cried Eider.
‘Brother!'”(195)
“Tanis paid the fine levied on those who ‘knowingly and willingly associate with kender'”(224)
((After Tanis bails Tas out of jail))
“‘Count me in,’ said Tasslehoff, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. ‘What are we doing?'”(229)
“‘-and then Uncle Trapspringer said, ‘Are you sure that’s your walrus?’ And the barbarian said-Oh, hello, Raistlin! Look at me! I’m tied to a chair. Isn’t this exciting? I’ll bet Sturm would tie you up if you asked him politely. Would you, Sturm? Would you tie up Raistlin?'”(240)
((Tas, who else?))
“The kender would have run cheerfully into the mouth of a dragon and never turned a hair on his topknot, but anger among his friends always made him feel uncomfortable.”
“‘I don’t have the keys. I thought you had the keys.’
As it turned out, the kender had the keys. They poured out of their cells and were soon having a picnic in the middle of the jail.”(255)
“‘…it’s you we’re talking about stashing in the well.'” ((Flint))
“‘Are you? How wonderful!’ Tas said, his face lighting up. ‘I’ve never been at the bottom of a well before.'” (291)
“Tas raised his small hand for silence. ‘You see, if I go with one of you, then that will make the others feel bad, and I wouldn’t want that to happen. And so I’ve decided to go off on my own. No! Don’t try to make me change my mind. I’m going back to Kendermore, and, no offence’-Tas looked quite severe-‘but the rest of you just wouldn’t fit in there.'”(291)
((Tas’s speech about who gets to take him))
“‘I’ll be back Tanis!’ Tas said hopping about in excitement. “I’ll be here in five years.’
‘You’ll likely be in some jail in five years,’ Flint muttered.”
((Tanis mentioned the plan to meet in the Inn of the Last Home again))
Dragons of a Fallen Sun
War of Souls Volume I
Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman
“Gerard cast a weary glance over the crowd and shouted, ‘Everyone named Tasslehoff Burrfoot raise his hand!’
Thirty-seven hands shot up in the air, and two dogs barked.” (75)
“The kender had a good head start. He was quick and nimble and accustomed to fleeing pursuit.” (77)
“‘Good’ and ‘kender’ being two words that were rarely, if ever, linked, Tasslehoff spent the time sitting at the table, thinking about what a good kender might be and wondering if he was one himself. He assumed he probably was, since he was a hero and all that.” (119)
“‘The kender is in my custody,’ said Gerard, ‘as ordered by the lord himself. I have not been given to release him from my care. I would, however, be willing to leave him here with you if you will guarantee that he does no harm during the time that I am with His Lordship- which may be several hours, my dilemma is complex- and that he will be here when I return.’
The Knight hesitated.
‘He will be pleased to tell you his story of how he first met the wizard Dalamar,’ Gerard added dryly.
‘Take him,’ said the Knight.” (127)
“Lord Warren said a single word, said it with emphasis and sincerity. Tas was impressed. Knights don’t usually say words like that.” (135)
“Lord Warren had shifted his gaze. He began staring at Tas as if he’d sprouted two heads.
Obviously he’d never seen a troll. These people should really get out more, Tas thought.” (135)
“‘Thank you, my lord.’ Gerard looked extremely happy.
Of course he’s happy, Tasslehoff thought. He gets to travel to a land ruled by a dragon who’s closed all the roads, and maybe he’ll be captured by Dark Knights who’ll think he’s a spy, and if that doesn’t work out he gets to go to the elven kingdom and see Palin and Laurana and Gilthas.” (138)
“The garrison room was clean and neat, with no windows, no furniture except a stern-looking bed with iron railings and a mattress so stiff and rigid that it could have stood at attention with the best of knights. The door had no lock at all, which might have provided some light after-dinner amusement but was held in place by a wooden bar across the outside.
‘All in all,’ Tas said to himself as he sat disconsolately on his bed, kicking his feet against the iron railings and looking wistfully about, ‘this room is the single most boring place I’ve ever been in my life with the possible exception of the Abyss.'” (186)
((After Tas suggests Raistlin abolish sleep)) “Raistlin had replied that the kender should be thankful someone had invented sleep for this meant that Tasslehoff was quiet and comatose for eight hours out of a day and this was the sole reason that Raistlin had not yet strangled him.” (187)
“Gerard handed Tas some clothes that were clean and well-made, drab, dull and- the kender shuddered- serviceable.
‘Thank you,’ said Tas, rubbing his eyes. ‘I know you mean well, but I have my own clothes-‘
‘I won’t travel with someone who looks as if he’s been in a fight with a maypole and lost,’ Gerard countered.” (188)
“‘I might have wanted to be a night,’ Tas continued, warming up to his subject. ‘In fact, I’m pretty sure I probably did, but the gods must have figured that my mother, being small, couldn’t very well give birth to someone as big as you, not without considerable inconvenience to herself, and so I came out a kender. Actually, no offence, but I take that back about being a Knight. I think what I really wanted to be was a draconian- they are so very fierce and scaly, and they have wings. I’ve always wanted wings. But, of course, that would have been extremely difficult for my mother to have managed.'” (195)
“‘I don’t think Raistlin liked kender much. He tried to murder me once, which gave me a sort of hint as to his true feelings.'” (195) ((Tas))
“‘Your people are frivolous and heedless,’ said Gerard, his voice hard. ‘These are dark days. Life is serious business and should be taken seriously. We do not have the luxery for joy and merriment.’
‘But if there’s no joy and merriment, then of course the days will be dark, Tas argued. ‘What else do you expect?'” (195)
“An even bigger dragon. He ((Tas)) couldn’t imagine it, and he very nearly said he would like to see an even bigger dragon when it came to him quite forcibly that, in all honesty, he wouldn’t.” (264)
“He rode through the gate. Tasslehoff, bound and gagged, followed. The kender would have waved his manacled hands in a friendly good-bye, but he considered that this might not be in keeping with his new identity- Highwayman, Stealer of Valuable Magical Artifacts. He quite liked this new persona and decided he should try to be worthy of it. Therefore, instead of waving, he scowled defiantly at the knight as they rode past.” (271)
“‘Lots of time people don’t think about us ((kender)),’ Tas said in an understanding tone. ‘Don’t feel bad.’
‘But I do feel badly,’ Laurana sighed. ‘We should have done something to help the kender. It’s just that there was so much happening that was more important. Or at least it seemed more important.'” (311)
“‘A curse! I’m cursed!’ Tasslehoff gave a blissful sigh.” (311)
“‘Palin, you must not speak like that!’ Laurana said sternly. ‘So we thought in the dark days before the War of the Lance. I remember Raistlin saying something to the effect that hope was the carrot dangled before the nose of the cart horse to fool him into plodding forward. Yet we did plod forward and, in the end, we were rewarded.’
‘We were,’ said Tas. ‘I ate the carrot.'” (318)
((Before Palin teleports))”‘Someone needs to stay here and keep mistress Jenna company.’
‘And to identify the body,’ Tas said, nodding and settling down in the chair, kicking his feet against the rungs. ‘Sorry, I forgot about that. I’ll stay here. You won’t be gone long anyway. Unless you don’t come back at all,’ he mentioned, as an afterthought. Twisting in his chair, he looked at Jenna, who had dragged her chair to the far corner in the kitchen. ‘Do you really think he’ll blow up?'” (420)
“That is up to Tas,’ Palin replied. ‘The fate of the world in the hands of a kender.’ He looked very grim.
…
‘If you people had left the fate of the world in the hands of a kender all along, you probably wouldn’t be in this mess.’ (451) ((Tas))
“‘I’ve decided to go back,’ Tas said, not looking at Palin, but still looking out at the empty sky. ‘I made a promise. I never thought about it before, but a promise isn’t something you make with your mouth. You make a promise with your heart. Every time you break a promise, your heart breaks a little until pretty soon you have cracks running all through it. I think, all in all, it’s better to be squished by a giant.'” (593)
